I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
