i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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