no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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