Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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