I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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