I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
