Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
