i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
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Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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