My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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