dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
...so i touched it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
