I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
