In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How external is "for external use only"?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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