The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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