she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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