Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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