It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want her autograph on my taint
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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