be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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