I hate your face
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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