I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish you could order shots online.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
