found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
