I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
