After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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