im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
