my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
