we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
