woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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