just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
