ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
