Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
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I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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