i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
