3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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