I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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