What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
