either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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