Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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