I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
