Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
