Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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