i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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