If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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