WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
