So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
