Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
