Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
