i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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