You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and she was petting her beer can
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
