You made me cry and you don't even care
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
