There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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