you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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