hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
