Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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