People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
