yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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