Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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