At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
