I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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