I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it penis luge time yet?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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