in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
handjob tips. give me some.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
