we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
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Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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