why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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