I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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