Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
