Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
