Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
