He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
