you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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