Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
